Are You That Lazy Spouse on Valentine’s Day?
Doing less than the bare minimum might cost you your marriage.
As you look across the table at your husband, you ask yourself, 'Shall I tell him I don't care about Valentine's Day this year?' Are you lying to yourself, or have your cynical friends finally made you believe it's hype and marketing? Or have you considered it to be a day when your marriage is evaluated? Like a work performance review and you know it won't be good.
What you want is for him to go out, find you a special gift that shows his love, that he still knows who you are and your taste. Something you don't need but says, 'I saw this and thought of you.' Doesn't have to be flowers or a diamond, something with thought. Love.
Instead, he smiles at you across the table and asks, "What are we doing this year?' and you think 'Really, are you asking me one more thing that I need to plan on top of the other three hundred nonsensical things I already have to do?' But you don't say it out loud, you smile and suggest something simple, local, just to avoid screaming, 'Why can't you organise something for once in this damn marriage?'
He barely kisses you goodbye whilst you put his mug in the dishwasher, something he can't seem to do himself, and then you head upstairs to get your kickboxing gear. What happened to Pilates? He doesn't realise that the frustration and resentment building up inside of you might turn the tidy kitchen into a scene from a Greek plate-smashing party.
This year, you have reached that pivotal point where you might quit, not because you don't have feelings, but because you don't want to have to push him to wake up. Can't he see that on his own? What you need, hope for, to be able to stay together is a surprise. A 'Don't worry, I booked somewhere,' so you can relax knowing you are still a couple with a future. But what you believe is that you will come home after the dinner you booked and know that your marriage is holding on by a thread.
I have never been one to enjoy Valentine's Day. I do believe it to be hype. However, some of my favourite ones have been with friends where we have enjoyed evenings together, which for me is Love. You do what works for you, and if you need some tips on trying it differently, you can read my articles from 2024 and 2025.
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