There is an Elephant in the Room, and that Elephant is Me.

When you start dating me, I need you to know this:

• I know you are going to leave.
• I know you will blame me.
• I will blame me too. 

I want desperately to trust you. I want to believe your kind words. I need you to say you won't leave, but I will breathe much deeper when you are gone. 

'You see, I knew you would never stay.'

I am the destroyer of all possibility the minute you give me that look that says 'I think I am falling for you' or you smile in a goofy way whilst you talk about me with your friends. 

The panic inside me is real. My Head says to my Heart, 'Beat fast, get ready, we need to run. The door is on the right, no emergency exit. We could try the window but we might break a leg or two.' Then Head says to Mouth, 'How about we start a fight about nothing and escalate it to a new crazy level so they run?'

"If they run, then they won't come back" "Genius!" Head says to Mouth.

I want to stop this pattern where I self-destruct or maybe it's me choosing the wrong type of you. I don't know. I know crazier people who have found their partner. But I am a child of adultery. 

I was conceived in a web of lies that caused hurt and harm. Had I not been born, they could have gone their separate ways. I am the consequence.

To me, everyone cheats and everyone leaves. 

If you would like to share your story or you are a professional who wants to share some insights, please email me at contact@angryexwife.com