You Lost Me at Password-Part I

Why should you consider not sharing? After all, you are happily married.

It's an uncomfortable topic to write about, but the web is divided into 'You should have access to your spouse's phone and if not, what are they hiding?' to 'If you trust them, you shouldn't have to check their phone.' Both are right and both are wrong.

How well do you know your spouse? Are you happy? Are they happy? Really?

I don't mean to sound cynical because I have plenty of friends who are very happy in their marriage, but there is a common theme amongst them, they respect each other's privacy. My grandfather never ever looked inside my Grandmother's handbag, even if she needed something, he passed her the bag.

We have all heard stories about someone waking up one day and finding out their spouse wants a divorce , or, has been having an affair and can't lie anymore. Or the worst, the people who thought their marriage was amazing and their relationship solid only to find out their spouse has disliked them for years and overnight has moved out and moved on. Read about abandoned wife syndrome. They are the ones whose husbands took care of everything, and why not?

There is the case where a woman I interviewed realised she had her husband's email password and could see everything the lawyer was recommending he do to make her life 'impossible'- legally of course. Many couple's have access to each other's accounts, with the presumption that their spouse isn't logging in.

Are you getting the picture here?

Have you considered your spouse is having an affair and their lover has access to your accounts? A simple 'all our passwords are the kids names and birthdays' and open sesame.

Ask yourself the following:

• Who has or has had access to passwords?
• Who has access to your phone password?
• Are your passwords protected with a different passcode from your phone?
• Who has access to your laptop/ desktop and do you actively log out of accounts?
• Who are you trusting with account passwords and why?

When we talk about online safety and security we presume the threat is external and from scammers and hackers finding ways to access your information, but you would be amazed at the stories I can't share of people's partners and spouses abusing trust.

Let me leave you with this thought if you have children.

How many of your passwords do you think your children have of yours? How many devices are shared with them under your account and potentially have access to your passwords? How many times have you said whilst busy doing something else 'the password is.....--.-...-?

It's possible your children are your weakest link in your online safety.

Part II - I will cover what to do through all the stages of divorce, including post divorce and how your children could be giving access to accounts by accident. Games that can be played and the dangers of not taking the time now to clean up your password security.

As always, if you want to share your story anonymously or some professional insight on any topic about divorce please contact me here.