Expert Series

Eliezer Barshap Believes You Can Stay Together

The end goal of these sessions is to stay together for there to be a chance of that being a reality.

Anonymous

19 Feb 2026 • 5 min read

Try Eliezer Barshap's 5 Daily Habits.

Most of the time, I love being anonymous, until I interview someone who is pure podcast material and wish I wasn't. Eliezer is the kind of person you can listen to and chat with for hours, leaving you with an upbeat step in your day.

Who is Eliezer Barshap?

Eli is happy. Not in a Hollywood delusional sense of the word, but happy with his life as it is. He has experienced and still experiences life's hardships and knocks, but for him, they are blessings.

From these hardships, he wants us to grow.

What makes Eliezer unique is the family he was raised in. His father, to this day, adores and loves his wife. Eliezer has witnessed a rare understanding of what a loving marriage means. Yes, his parents argue and disagree with each other, but it doesn't cause damage to their relationship.

Who Are His Clients?

In an ideal world, his clients are in a loving marriage, who realise something is missing and want more. When couples grow together, they avoid waking up in years to come as strangers. Society doesn't advise happily married couples to actively work on their marriage when things are good, which leaves them seeking help when in crisis or on the precipice of divorce.

When working with people heading towards divorce, he looks for the love, and when he finds it, he knows there is a possibility to ignite what once brought this couple together. It's challenging and requires both parties to be on board. Using an array of tools he teaches, he remains positive that there can be a future together.

Why Do People Believe Their Couple's Therapist is Biased?

This is something that keeps popping up in interviews, and it's not uncommon that one person feels the therapist is taking sides. Usually, it's the person who has decided the marriage is beyond rescuing who has the upper hand, whilst the other spouse feels alienated from trying to stay married. Eliezer agrees. He has heard people share the same complaint. So how is he different? How do we trust him?

Eliezer removes bias in that the systems in place are not only about the individual, but importantly, for the unity. More often than not, he starts working with one partner, with the domino effect helping lead to a change in the other partner. Of course, this process is far more effective when the couple turns up together, but not everyone is ready or willing.

It doesn't mean you can't do the work on yourself for the future of staying together.

Step 1: Offloading

The initial meeting is where the couple are able to offload their experience of the marriage, their thoughts, feelings, and what they believe the problem to be. Each person has their time to share whilst the other listens. Eliezer makes sure they understand what has been shared and then he teaches lesson number one:

'You don't have to agree with what the other person is saying, but you need to show empathy.'

He doesn't take sides and believes that in love, there is no right or wrong, there is no judgment. Everything can be right for someone whilst it is wrong for the other. It's their own personal experience of that moment. When one partner tries to prove to the other that they are right, they have to prove their spouse is wrong and vice versa.

There is no need for justice in relationships. You can be right, but within a relationship, where is the good in that?

Pay attention: There must be trust with the therapist, or the reluctant partner won't return. There must also be trust that the end goal of these sessions is to stay together for there to be a chance of that being a reality.

Step 2: Coming Together after Working Apart.

After the initial session, he separates the couple for individual work. When they are ready, he brings them back together again. Again, he ensures that each person is understood and understands. The entire process is documented, leaving you knowing what is ahead of you.

Should you decide to part, you may not realise it, especially if you have children, you will need to communicate more than ever before. Eliezer will help you with this and guide you through his process.

I leave you with something to consider.

Do you want to fix or improve your marriage? Marriage is more than friendship- it's comradeship and healing. Eli knows staying together is good and you can be in love without the chemicals that long ago dissipated.

Eliezer's gift to you: 5 New Habits to Help You.

Choose daily - as in what are you focusing on? Your spouse. By making them the focus, you start to think and consider them. It builds a stronger presence, which we all know has been stolen by tech. Think about them, share when you thought about them. It seems trivial, but it's not.
Playing for the long haul. See yourself as a couple in the future, build the image and imagine living it.
The glass is always full. Finding positivity in every aspect of your life. When your subconscious searches for positive things to happen, it always finds them.
Teamwork. As a couple, you are not supposed to 'do your part.' As in you both bring 100% or at least an equal percentage to finish the work faster. You don't calculate how much you are doing, and you do what you enjoy regardless of the social norm. Some people prefer to vacuum and some enjoy making the bed.
Tell it to everyone. Celebrate your marriage, your love. Share it. Every time Eliezer meets someone new, he tells them the story of how he met his wife.
Never badmouth your partner, especially in public.

Eli is what my sister calls a vibe, but I believe he has a highly tuned intuition. Our conversation continues about the impact of children on marriage, boys becoming men, women, and safety. Eli shares nuggets of wisdom as to why people get annoyed and agitated with their spouse.

'What they are saying isn't correctly understood.'

We all need assurances that our relationship is safe, and often when we are struggling, we will give an ultimatum - Ultimatums kill trust.

Eliezer is much more than a couple's coach, he is a well of wisdom and insight. As you know, I always look for perspective, and my conversations with Eliezer gave me much to consider about myself, life, and how other people communicate their needs and feel misunderstood or ignored.